Does Love Really Conquer All?

Love Conquers All

Relationships, in general, are difficult to maintain.  However, when you love someone you go the distance to make it work.  You make compromises, you try to not to lose your cool about the small stuff, holding your tongue and choosing your battles.

Which means if you are the neat one in the relationship, you tend to tidy up more than your partner, wife, or husband.  My wife often tells me that I am very anal when it comes to organization, to which I reply, “Everything has its place, and should something be removed from that place, it should be returned to its rightful location.”  That comment is usually met with rolling of the eyes and an exasperated sigh.  

She and I will have been together for ten years and married for eight years this August. And like most couples, we’ve had our disagreements, our ups, and downs, but we always seem to find our way back to each other. But also like most relationships, there is always one subject matter that continues to be a sore subject.  For us, that subject is her family and the way that they treat me.  

At the beginning of our relationship, their very rude attitude towards me was met with a shrug, because I felt in time they will get to know me and this animosity will pass.  But as I mentioned time has passed and nothing really has changed.  There are some members of her family that say hello, and others that keep their lips tightly closed.  There are even a couple of them in which I have on occasion had a conversation with, but that doesn’t happen often and it when it does, it is only for a few minutes.  And it does not happen each and every time I see them.  There are only two of her family members who are consistent and genuinely nice to me (one of her sisters and one of her brothers).  

While this bothered me to the core, I still continued to frequent the family outings and participate in the gathers, but recently I’ve decided that I will no longer do that.  I have decided that I will no longer put myself out there to continuously be treated as if I have leprosy, or like I am the invisible to them.

Where at one time I thought to compromise to please my wife, I no longer have the strength to carry out this particular compromise.  For one thing, there are factors, such as that of us being of a different race, that of which most of her family members are Trump supporters and my lack of understanding why–my wife doesn’t understand how their (her family) lack of communicating makes me feel.  

In this day and age, you would think that we as a country have come to accept people for who they are, but too many incidents of late tell us differently.  Now that I have been schooled as to how some of her family members feel, I just do not see any other solution for his dilemma and I do not feel that this subject matter will ever have a proper solution or compromise–honestly, how does one come back from such a thing?

And She’s Back…



Hello Beautiful People,

How the hell are you?  Hopefully, you are doing well and are keeping your head way above water, successfully.

As for me,  I am slowly feeling like myself again.  You know how it is…Shit just happens, no need to go into grave details about it.  It’s just sometimes we need to take a step back from our regular routine and examine our lives and put things back into perspective.  And sometimes that is easier said than done.

We sometimes cannot understand the sadness that comes over us and we try like hell to get over it on our own, however, sometimes taking a step back and isolating others, out of fear of taking out our frustrations on others may not be the answer.  But we weather the storm and hopefully pull ourselves out of the dump and return to society.  That be me now and going forward. (Hence, she’s back…)

I know that I do not have to tell/remind you that sometimes “this thing called life,” can be challenging, unpredictable and quite stressful.  Dealing with stress is not an easy task for it causes one to pull away from family members and friends.  Pulling away and putting distance between those we love sends them mixed messages, causing them (your loved ones and friends) pain and suffering.  You may think that hey, “I’m doing them a favor by not sharing what’s on my mind,” or “Not sharing your problems,” because you feel that if you do so you will prompt one or many of these feelings:

  • Looking like a loser
  • Family/Friend won’t understand
  • Will prompt unnecessary advice or obvious solutions
  • Fear of ruining your relationship/friendship

Most often when things go wrong, and when Life decides to throw a monkey wrench in your not so perfect world, but a quite manageable one.   You feel foolish for not being prepared in the event something goes wrong.

When it comes to talking with a family member or a friend one could find this to be a complicated, because thoughts like, “If I confide in them, what will they think of me?,” “Will confiding in said family member or friend, results in them sharing my feelings with someone else (another family member or other mutual friends?”) and (“Can really trust them?”)

And ewww, I can’t begin to express just how pissy I become when someone yo)u decide to confide in, and you begin to speak not completely explaining your situation when the party you’re confiding in decides to cut you off and offer their opinion.  And their solution as to what you should do.  You’re like, “That’s nice, however, if you had let me to finished you would see how that solution you offered has already been tried, or you would see that I already tried that and it made matters worse.”  At this point, the other person is blue in the face and quickly changes the subject.  So much for sharing.

Lastly having the fear of damaging your relationship (with a loved one or friend). This can also apply to a family member who offers up what you should do, or they don’t understand why you are having such a hard time.

It is in my opinion that Life has either shown or has taught some of us a valuable lesson on what part of our lives we should share and what parts of our lives should not be shared.  It is important to keep in mind that our Family and friends (good friends-of which most of us have one or two, in which we can depend upon and share anything with), are not problem solvers, however, sometimes sharing your feelings with one member can relieve some stress and tension.  Most importantly when you decide to share your feelings with someone, it is important to:

Really know that person and know in your heart that they are on your team, and are trustworthy.  And this doesn’t mean that they are the type that is going to agree with you when they know you are wrong. (News Flash: NOT A FRIEND) There is nothing worse than confiding in someone and have others look at you strangely because your business has been put out there.  Second, don’t share all your business, just share what really bothers you.  Or better yet share the solution, (i.e. you are unemployed and funds are running low. The problem is obvious, you stress that you may not find employment before your funds run out, that’s all that needs to be shared). Put out the word what your needs are because the number one priority is finding employment, not how you lost the job and blah, blah, blah.

We also learned from “this thing called Life,” is that it is very unhealthy to hold things in.  But you have a fear of talking to others or you find that you are unable to articulate your feelings, properly to others.  Then go another route.  Yes, there is therapy or a psychiatrist, however, the fear of sharing your life may occur and you wind up talking about everything except what’s bugging you.

I find it therapeutic to write entries in my autobiography. (You fellow writers, will get a kick out this).  I read an article some time ago, by Michael Lewis, “4 Reasons Why You Should Write An Autobiography or Personal Memoir,” and it got me thinking how this may help me, help myself.  Writing an autobiography or Personal Memoir, allows me to deal with my issues.  Writing the words down allows me to examine my situation, express my feelings about them without the worry that someone is going to interject, give me an unfavorable stare or offer solutions that are just preposterous.  This may not help you, however, I thought I would throw it out there.  Why not give it try, next time you feel yourself pulling away from those you love and care about.  Hey, what can it hurt?

Although the autobiography or memoir may never be finished or published, (because the story ends upon my death), at least it is a therapeutic remedy to what ails me and gives me a different outlook on “this thing called life.”  More importantly, there will no longer be a reason to push away loved ones, and friends, with the end result being losing them forever.

I thought it appropriate to add Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy,” as my sign off. Feels good to be back!


Lois “Depurplelady” Percente




Hello Friends

Side portrait of a dark skinned female,eyes closed



As a way of trying to reason with myself, I decided to utilize writing as my tool of courage to say what is really on my mind.  You see, as of late, I have been feeling really down and out.  I should probably seek help but by doing so it will make me feel weak, or worst feel like a crybaby crying over spilled milk. For some reason, it’s not easy for me to sit down and talk to someone, a family member, a friend or even a psychiatrist.  My problem with talking about what ails me to someone comes from the fear that I will be looked at differently.  For everyone seems to think that I am a very strong individual, and yes I am, however, that does not mean I am made of steel.

Another reason why I don’t confide my feelings to anyone is that I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems, for I know that everyone has problems of their own and they really don’t need to hear about mine. I know what you’re thinking, “Then why not talk to a psychiatrist?”  Well, I’ve tried that before and in my experience, it was a waste of time.  You see, each and each time, I find the courage to go to a psychiatrist, he or she either leave to work somewhere else or they expect me to be brave or even trusting enough to spill what’s on my mind without proper coaching.  You see, I am not very forthcoming when it comes to talking about myself.  I once had a psychiatrist, who kept looking at her watch, like she had someplace better to be or maybe what we were discussing was not interesting enough for her.

Family? Well, when it comes to family members, I am the oldest so, in my mind, I am the one whom they are supposed to come to for guidance., not the other way around  How would it look if their eldest sister leaned on her younger siblings for help or advice?

Quite honestly, I’ve never been the type of individual who dwelled on things, good or bad.  It is in my opinion, that things have a way of working themselves out.  And so I keep a stiff upper lip, grin and bear it all.  I strongly believe that “What does not kill you makes you stronger,” hence my reason for not bellyaching.  Besides that, I feel that although my situation may be bad, that there is someone in the world whose situation is even worst.

Most of the time I reason with  myself thinking, “Girl, you know you have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, perhaps you’re overreacting just a tad bit.”  Which causes me to re-examine my situation, my anger or sadness and say, “Drop a nickel in the bucket and say Fuck it!”  Well, as you can imagine that damn bucket is almost full  and it’s time I invest in a new one, or maybe I should get a case of empty jars, in which to scream into when things become a little too hectic and I want to tear a patch of my skin off and sit quietly while I examine it, or when I feel so very low, that I wished a lived near a highway where I could just walk into busy traffic and end it all.

The funny thing about it all is that it is a normal feeling, it is a feeling I’ve had all my life and I’ve always been able to settle down control that feeling of self-destruction by way of utilization of devices or shall I say, “distractions.” But now that I’m older and those old devices that I used at one time to deal or numb the pain, just do not do it anymore nor are they part of my life.

Even as I am writing to you now I feel myself already stalling and not coming clean with what really bothers me.  I suppose I will find the courage to do so in my next installment

Until then,

(c) %e



Enjoy Your Sunday!!!

Keep Calm its SundayGood Morning and Happy Sunday,

How was your Christmas?  Did you get everything you wanted?  Better yet, for those of you who have kids, did the children have a great holiday? I hope you and your family members had a great day!  After all the holidays are all about getting together with family members, and enjoying each other’s company.

The wife and I spent the day at my in-laws which was great fun!  So much good food, and OMG the desserts.  Needless to say my diet took a sharp nose-dive.  How could anyone pass up a kitchen full of food in which the aroma hit you in the face as soon as you walked inside the house.  And for dessert a long table filled with nothing  but a variety of cakes and pies. Yum!  I so went into a food comma.  🙂

20151226_144540.jpgYesterday, I myself was in a cooking mood and I cooked a whole turkey, potato salad, macaroni and cheese (three cheeses), mashed potatoes, corn and sweet potato soufflé. Yum, yum and yum!  I  now understand  the reason why most people wait until the holidays are over to begin their diets. It would appear that Jo and I will be jumping on that band wagon as well.

Well the wife and I have loads to do today so here’s wishing you all a great day!